How does a superwoman have sex with an ordinary man?
"Are you absolutely sure, Doctor?" asked Superman. "Isn't there something you can do?"
"I'm afraid not," replied the surgeon in the white coat. "The tests are conclusive. As we feared, it is impossible for you in your current condition to have normal sexual relations with an ordinary woman. With your super powers, you'd kill her."
"Then I'll either have to give up my super powers somehow..." started Superman.
"...or you'll have to find yourself a super-powered woman," concluded the doctor.
Later that evening, Clark Kent entered the apartment where he and his new wife, Lois Lane, had set up housekeeping. Quietly, he entered the living room to see his wife sitting on the couch watching television. He didn't want to face her, but he had to break the news to her somehow.
"Clark?" said Lois, as she noticed him for the first time. "I didn't hear you come in."
"Hello Lois," said Clark despondently, as he leaned down to give her a peck on the cheek.
"Clark honey," started Lois, noticing her husband's gloom. "What's wrong?"
"I went to the doctor today," replied Clark. "And he said..."
"What?" asked Lois, concern growing in her voice. "You went to the doctor? What for? Is something wrong?"
"I had to find out...," started Clark.
"Find out what?" asked Lois.
"Well, you know," said Clark. "We, I mean..., well, I've been so busy saving the world since we got married that I haven't been able to give you a proper wedding night, and..."
"And you thought you'd get a physical to make sure you were in the best of health!" concluded Lois. "How sweet! But why were you worried? You're super! Nothing can keep you from performing, er..., I mean..., nothing can harm you. You're too strong."
"That's just it," replied Clark. "I'm too strong. You see, the doctor said we can't have sex together. He said I'd kill you if we tried to have sex."
"What?!" asked Lois, shocked. "But I love you! I want your passionate embrace! I want to have your children! That's why we got married! Isn't there anything we can do?"
"I love you too," replied Clark. "And I desperately want to make love to you, and father some children. Along with being blessed with powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men, I have a libido, too. But the doctor said that either I confine myself to having sex with a super-powered woman or give up my super powers."
"But I don't have any super powers," cried Lois. "And I can't ask you to give up yours. You're needed to fight for truth, justice, and the American way."
"Yes I could give up my super powers Lois," contradicted Clark. "I mean, there are enough superheroes and superheroines around to protect the Earth. I could retire, and we could settle down and raise a family, while someone else takes my place."
"But you're the world's greatest superhero Clark," said Lois. "I couldn't ask you to do that. Besides, who could replace you?"
"Well," replied Clark, "For starters, there's Supergirl. She could manage things."
"But didn't you tell me that she has a new boyfriend?" asked Lois.
"Yes, that's right," confirmed Clark. "I think his name is Dick Malverne. She met him years ago when they were just kids, and now she's getting serious with him."
"'Serious?'" repeated Lois. "As in 'seriously falling in love' with him?"
"Yes, I suppose so," said Clark.
"Well then," said Lois, "She'll probably be having the same problem soon."
"I see your point," said Clark. "Well, the only other person I can think of is Wonder Woman. She's practically as super as I am, and..."
"Wonder Woman?" interrupted Lois. "That's it!"
"What?" asked Clark, surprised. "What's 'it'?"
"Well, Wonder Woman is from Earth, right?" asked Lois.
"Yes," replied Clark. "Of course."
"And she's 'practically as super' as you are, right?" continued Lois. "That's what you said, right?"
"Yes, I said that," answered Clark. "You see, she's an Amazon, with Amazonian-endowed powers that come from magic of the Grecian empire and..."
"Skip the ancient history lecture, Clark," interrupted Lois. "The point is that maybe she can help us consummate, without you having to give up your super powers and retire."
"How can she do that?" asked Clark.
"Don't you get it, Clark?" asked Lois, excitedly. "Maybe she can use her Amazonian magic to give me super powers!"
"I don't know," replied Clark. "It sounds like a good idea, but I'd hate to ask her such an important favor."
"What have we got to lose?" asked Lois. "You've worked with her before, haven't you? You superhero types are a pretty close-knit group. I'll bet she'd jump at the chance to help you."
"I suppose there's no harm in asking," said Clark. "But I...,"
"It's settled then," said Lois. "You bring her around for dinner tomorrow night, and we'll ask her. The worst she can do is say 'No'."
The next evening, Lois went home from the Daily Planet early to prepare a nice barbecue. Clark had invited their special guest and would bring her around about six.
At exactly six o'clock, Clark came into the apartment. "Lois?" he called. "Lois, come here and meet our first houseguest."
Expecting to see the form of a voluptuous, raven-haired Amazon in star-spangled silk briefs and a red bustier, Lois was surprised to see the figure of a rather plain-looking, bespectacled woman in a conservative military uniform. "Lois," said Clark, "This is Miss Prince."
"Pleased to meet you, Miss Prince," said Lois, as she reached out her hand.
"Please," replied the woman, as she took Lois' hand. "Call me Diana. Thank you for inviting me."
"All right, Diana," replied Lois. "And you can call me Lois. I..., er...,"
"Were you expecting someone else?" asked Diana, noticing a look of confusion on Lois' face.
"Well, er...," stammered Lois. "I...,"
"It's her," whispered Clark. "Wonder Woman."
"Wonder Woman?" repeated Lois. "But I..., I didn't know..., It's just that you're not exactly what I expected."
"Oh, that's all right," replied Diana. "I told Clark it was all right for you to know my secret identity. After all, he knew, and a man shouldn't keep any secrets from the woman to whom he belongs. Besides, it might have looked a little strange if Wonder Woman showed up at the apartment of Mr. and Mrs. Kent."
"I kept my own name," corrected Lois, slightly put off by Diana's description of a man belonging to a woman. "I have a nice dinner planned. Care for a glass of wine? I mean, er..., do you drink?"
"Of course," affirmed Diana. "My classical Greek rearing included the consumption of wine. It's part of my culture. I'd love a glass."
"Have a seat, and I'll go get it," said Lois. "By the way, we're having steaks on the barbecue tonight. That's OK, isn't it?"
"If you mean to ask, 'do I eat meat?'" replied the guest, "Let me point out that I was named after Diana, the Goddess of the hunt. Blood rare for me, please."
"Great," said Lois. "Clark, honey, would you light the charcoal while I get Diana a glass of wine? Please have a seat on the couch, Diana."
After a nice dinner that included Clark using his heat vision to get the charcoal going, conversation, and copious amounts of wine, the three friends retired to the living room for coffee.
"My, it's warm in here," remarked Diana.
"I'll turn on the AC," assured Lois.
"No need to on my account," replied Diana. "Save on your electric bill. I'll just change into something more comfortable. That is, if you don't mind, of course."
Suspecting what Diana wanted to do, Lois agreed. Lois wished to make Diana as comfortable as possible, for Lois and Clark were going to ask her to do them a great service.
A few seconds later, the plain-looking, bespectacled woman disappeared, and in her place stood the form of the voluptuous costumed superheroine, Wonder Woman. "That's better," she said as she sat down on the couch.
"I think I'd better change too," said Clark, as he removed his outer clothing. "Just in case someone stops by. It would be easier to explain Wonder Woman's presence in the apartment of Lois Lane and Clark Kent if Superman were here, too. Many people have seen Superman and Lois together, so that's easier to explain away."
"Oh Clark," said Lois. "Who would 'stop by'? I swear, I think you just love showing off those muscles of yours in those red and blue tights!"
"I can't say that I blame him," said Wonder Woman, giving Superman the once over with a concentrated stare.
"What?" asked Lois. "Did you say something, Wonder Woman?"
"Er," stammered Wonder Woman. "I was just wondering if you need any help with the coffee?"
"No," replied Lois. "I've got it."
Wonder Woman sat back down on the sofa, across form Superman. She returned her gaze to his fantastic physique and focused on the large "S" across his chest. Then, her stare traveled downwards, looked at his washboard stomach, and focused on his belt. Just as her eyes were about to make a further inspection, her concentration was broken.
"So tell me, Wonder Woman," said Superman. "How are things with Steve these days?"
Wonder Woman, her ogling interrupted by Superman's inquisitiveness, leaned back in the couch. She coyly repositioned her feet, giving a teasing glimpse up her perfect legs during the process. Superman's eyes darted down, staring for an instant as he waited for an answer.
"Steve?" replied Wonder Woman. "Oh. Steve. Well, we work together well, but he's sometimes such a dimbulb. He still hasn't figured out that Diana Prince and Wonder Woman are one and the same."
"You mean you haven't told him?" asked Superman. "I would have thought that by now you would have. Aren't you two...?"
"In love?" finished Wonder Woman. "I suppose we do have a certain amount of attraction for each other, but I don't consider him a candidate for a life partner, at least not yet. You see, I'm afraid I might hurt him if..."
"If you had sex together?" finished Lois as she brought in the coffee.
"Er..., yes," answered Wonder Woman, somewhat taken aback by Lois' frank comment. "I suppose that's what I was leading up to."
"That's interesting," continued Lois. "Because we have a similar problem."
"'Similar problem'?" repeated Wonder Woman, momentarily glancing at Superman at just the right time to catch his own look at the tight bustier barely holding in her breasts. "What do you mean?"
Lois described the situation she and her husband were in, and appealed for the Amazon's help. After listening intently to Lois' story, Wonder Woman replied: "I'm sorry Lois. I'd like to help, but I'm afraid it's impossible."
"Impossible?" repeated Lois, her disappointment palpable. "But it has to be possible! It's not like you're from another planet or something! Surely, if you can be super, so can I!"
"Lois," answered Wonder Woman, "I can understand your desire, but I can't help you. You see, my power comes from the golden girdle I wear around my waist."
"'Understand my desire'?" repeated Lois as she stole a quick glance at her husband. "If your power comes from a silly golden belt, then it would work on me! Let me try it on!"
"But Lois, it won't work...," started Wonder Woman, but seeing that Lois would remain unconvinced without a demonstration, she agreed. "All right, let me prove it to you."
Wonder Woman stood up from the sofa and walked over to the chair in which Superman was sitting. She bent down, took the leg of the occupied chair in one hand (while at the same time giving Superman a nice view down the front of her bustier) and lifted it over her head with apparent ease.
Wonder Woman turned to Lois and said: "As you can see, Lois, with one hand, I can easily lift this chair with Superman in it." She then put down the chair, and, while facing Superman with a smile, she reached around her back and detached her golden girdle.
Handing the precious item to Lois, Wonder Woman said: "Now, you try."
"Thanks," replied Lois. "I will."
Placing the belt about her waist, Lois noticed that she didn't feel any stronger. Still unconvinced, she walked over to the chair and bent down to grab the leg as she had seen Wonder Woman do.
Lois grabbed the chair leg, and gave a pull. The chair didn't budge. Superman, seeing his spouse struggling, suggested: "Do you want me to get out of the chair, honey? Maybe you should take it easy the first time."
"No!" replied Lois, as she tried again. "If Wonder Woman can do it, so can I!" Lois gave the chair leg another, harder jerk, and promptly fell flat on her face. "Oooh!" she moaned.
Wonder Woman saw Superman giggling at the demonstration, and started laughing, too. Lois was mortified.
"Are you hurt, honey?" asked Superman in between giggles. "Maybe you'd better sit down."
"I'm all right," replied Lois as she got up off the carpet.
Wonder Woman went into the kitchen to get a few more glasses of wine, one for herself, and one for Lois. "Here," said Wonder Woman, "Drink this."
"Thanks," replied Lois. "Here's your belt back. You were right. It didn't work. But I still don't understand why."
"It's true that you and I are very much alike," started Wonder Woman as she replaced her golden girdle in between sips of wine. "There is nothing significantly different between us. But I was reared among the Amazons on Paradise Island. The island gives superhuman powers to its residents."
"You mean if I lived on Paradise Island, I'd have super powers, too?" asked Lois. "Then take me there! Superman and I can..."
"No you can't," interrupted Wonder Woman. "No man may set foot on Paradise Island. We Amazons lose our power when that happens, which by the way is our greatest secret, and I'd appreciate it if you kept that to yourself. Besides, you didn't grow up on the island, so it's doubtful you'd gain super powers just by being there anyway. And if you think you could get there without my help, forget it. Even Superman couldn't find Paradise Island. It's hidden well beyond his ability to discover."
"But you're not on Paradise Island now," said Lois. "Yet, you still have super powers."
"That's where the golden belt comes in," answered Wonder Woman. "It carries the mystic power of Paradise Island with it, so I can be super when I'm away from home."
"That still doesn't explain why the belt doesn't give me power," said Lois. "Even if I wouldn't be super on Paradise Island, the belt should have an effect on me here. It stands to reason."
"Yes, it stands to reason," agreed Wonder Woman. "Except for one thing. I earned the title of Wonder Woman, along with the golden girdle and magic lasso, by competing against all my Amazon sisters to become champion. The belt, you might say, is 'custom-tailored,' to be worn only by Wonder Woman. I'm afraid you'd have to go to Paradise Island and defeat the current champion and be awarded your own belt before you'd be endowed with super powers."
"And that current champion is you?" asked Lois. "I'd have to defeat you to get my own belt?"
"That's right, Lois," affirmed Wonder Woman.
"Just like on 'All Star Wrestling,' right?" said Lois.
"Something like that," answered Wonder Woman with a crooked grin.
"Then I'll go to Paradise Island and beat you!" claimed Lois excitedly. "I challenge you...,"
"Now just a minute Lois," interrupted Superman. "Wonder Woman is our guest. Don't antagonize her. You should feel honored that she shared so many of her secrets with you, including her secret identity."
Superman turned to Wonder Woman and said: "I'm sorry, Wonder Woman. Lois didn't mean anything. It's just that we're both desperate." And then to Lois, he said: "Lois, is there something you want to tell our guest?"
Giving her husband a sideward, yet understanding, glance, Lois said: "I apologize, Wonder Woman. Let's have another glass of wine."
"Thanks Lois," replied Wonder Woman. "I will. And as I said, I have something of the same problem myself."
"Well, why don't you just take your girdle off before you do 'it' with your boyfriend?" asked Lois.
"It wouldn't be the same," answered Wonder Woman, somewhat perturbed that Lois would assume she was interested in having an affair with Steve. "Besides, he's in love with Wonder Woman, not Diana Prince."
"Just one more question," said Lois as she handed Wonder Woman another glass of wine. "What about Wonder Girl? Is she also a champion? Perhaps in the 'Junior' or 'Brownie' division of Amazons?"
"Lois...," started Superman, with a hint of warning in his voice.
"It's all right, Clark," said Wonder Woman with a new level of familiarity. "Lois, Wonder Girl is my sister. And since our mother is the Queen of the Amazons, well, I guess I have to admit to a little nepotism, along the royal lineage, as it were. So she was given a belt and lasso of her own."
Wonder Woman finished her glass of wine and said: "Well, I guess I'd better be going. I'm sorry I couldn't help you Lois, but I'm sure things will work out. Take me home, Clark? I'd call my Invisible Plane, but I've had a few glasses of wine tonight, so I'd better not."
"All right," agreed Superman. "Let's change back into our secret identities, and I'll drive you home."
"Okay," agreed Wonder Woman, "But not too quickly. We don't want to get our costumes mixed up. I don't think I'd look very good in your cape."
"And I wouldn't look too good in your bustier," agreed Superman with a chuckle as he changed.
"I'll be back in a little while Lois," said Clark as he helped Diana with her coat. Lois did not respond.
On the way back to Diana Prince's apartment, Clark told Diana: "I'm sorry to have had to put you through all that, but Lois and I are getting desperate."
"I'm sorry I couldn't help her," replied Diana. "But you..., I mean, are you as frantic as she is to...?"
"If you are trying to ask me if I'm horny, the answer is yes," replied Clark. "It's not like Lois is unwilling, but if I had sex with a normal woman, I'd kill her. I can't even hire a whore to satisfy my urges. It's driving me crazy. Anyway, I don't mean to make you feel uncomfortable with all this talk about sex. I know you Amazons are something else when it comes to maintaining your celibacy."
"It's all right Clark," reassured the disguised Amazon. "Don't worry. I understand, and do not feel uncomfortable talking about it. I'm not that hung up about celibacy."
"Well," said Clark, stopping the car, "Here we are at Diana Prince's apartment. I'll see you later."
"Are you sure you don't want to come in for a minute?" asked Diana before exiting the car. "I can make you some hot chocolate or something."
"I'd better not leave Lois alone too long," answered Clark. "Not in her condition."
"I understand," said Diana. "But don't worry. I may have a way of helping you, after all."
"You mean you thought of something?!" asked Clark excitedly.
"Maybe," replied Diana with another coy smile. "Let me think about it. But I don't want to get Lois' hopes up, just to have her be disappointed again."
"Tell you what," said Clark. "Lois is going out of town tomorrow on an overnight assignment. I didn't want her to go in her condition, but now that I think of it, a night away might do her some good. You can come over and tell me what you have planned."
"Fine," replied Diana. "Same time as tonight?"
"Yes," replied Clark. "And if you can help us, you'd really be a Wonder Woman!" Then Clark kissed Diana on the cheek.
"Oh, Clark!" said Diana, with surprise. "I'll do what I can. And thank you again for a wonderful dinner."
"More wine, darling?" he asked.
"Thank you," she replied. "Do you have a light?"
Somewhat surprised that his lover had a cigarette in her fingers, he replied: "I didn't know you smoked!"
"I don't," she replied. "But I heard that smoking a cigarette after sex is really good, and thought I'd give it a try. Do you have a match?"
"Something better," he replied as he focused his vision on the end of the cigarette. In an instant, it was burning.
"Thanks," she said as she took a puff, then exhaled. "Ah. That's fine. You know, you'd be really handy at one of those cigar dinners I hear so much about."
"I've heard of those," he replied. "Maybe we could go to one sometime."
"I'd love to," she replied. "We could...,"
Just then, the door to the bedroom flew open. A figure appeared, and cried: "So this is why you thought it would be a good idea for me to get away for a night, Clark! How could you?!"
"Lois?" replied Superman as he focused on the unmistakable figure of his wife. "Honey, I can explain! This isn't what it looks like! I...,"
"And you!" shouted Lois, ignoring her husband and turning to the other naked figure in the bed, who was quietly smoking her cigarette. "How could you do this to us, you super powered... bitch! You 'Wonder Whore'!"
"Oh Lois," replied Wonder Woman, looking away. "Get a grip! You know you couldn't satisfy him, so I did. You should be thanking me!"
"All right, that's it!" commanded Superman, who was so astonished that he didn't notice which clothes he was hurriedly putting on. "Lois, you knew I was going to go crazy! I had to be satisfied, and Diana graciously decided to help me."
"Is that so, 'Superwoman'?" replied Lois, noticing that her husband had put on Wonder Woman's star-spangled silk briefs by mistake. "Or shall I call you 'Wonder Man'?"
"Huh?" Superman noticed his mistake, and blushing, quickly corrected it. Wonder Woman was still in bed, calmly smoking her cigarette.
"And as for you, you muscle-bound trollop," said Lois, "I would appreciate it if you wouldn't smoke cigarettes in my bed, especially after you screwed my husband! Get out!"
Wonder Woman, not accustomed to taking orders, replied: "Why don't you make me get out?"
"Diana...," said Superman.
"Stay out of this Clark," said Wonder Woman.
"Yes, Clark. Stay out of this," agreed Lois.
Then, turning to Lois, Wonder Woman said: "So this is the thanks I get for keeping your husband from going insane? If I wasn't afraid of upsetting Clark, I'd break you in two."
"Oh yeah?" replied Lois. "Why don't you try it?"
"All right! You asked for it!" exclaimed Wonder Woman as she extinguished her cigarette, threw the bed covers off, and put her feet on the floor. Around her waist was her magic belt and lasso.
As Wonder Woman started toward Lois, Superman, now fully clad in his own costume, stepped between the two women. Folding his hands across his chest in a familiar pose, he declared: "Now ladies, I'm not going to let you do this!" He turned to his wife and told her: "Lois, I know you're overwrought and upset, and maybe you have reason to be. But I needed Wonder Woman's help, and she was willing...,"
"All too willing if you ask me," interrupted Lois.
"Nevertheless, Lois, I love...," Superman started to say. He halted in mid-sentence when he noticed the familiar golden strand of Wonder Woman's magic lasso wrapped around his chest. "Huh? Wha...? Take this off me!" he said.
"Now now, Clark dear," commanded Wonder Woman with familiarity, "Just put your sexy tight butt over there in the corner and watch what happens. You're not to interfere with what goes on between Lois and me in any way. We'll settle this ourselves. Do you understand?"
Compelled to act by the magic lasso's effects, to which even he was vulnerable, Superman replied blankly: "Yes, I understand. I am not to interfere."
"Very good, Clark," said Wonder Woman, as she knotted the rest of the magic rope around Superman, making it impossible for him to escape its power.
"Is that how you got my husband to fuck you?" asked Lois. "With your 'magic clothesline'?"
"No Lois," replied Wonder Woman, as she stepped into her costume. "He wanted me because I'm the better woman, and not just because I'm more compatible."
"'Better woman,' eh?" replied Lois. "Shall we get down to business and find out just who the better woman is?"
"Anytime you're ready, dearie," replied the Amazon.
"Oh no you don't," countered Lois. "Not while you're wearing that magic belt to help you. Take it off..., unless you're afraid!"
"Afraid?!" replied Wonder Woman. "An Amazon knows no fear! I don't need my belt to beat you!" she declared, as she reached around and removed her golden girdle with a definite RRRRIIIIPPP of Velcro, and threw it out of reach.
Like African lions fighting over the carcass of a zebra, the two women began a frantic catfight. Wonder Woman was clearly the stronger, owing to her larger Amazon frame. But without her magic belt, her strength was clearly diminished.
Lois, on the other hand, had learned various forms of self- defense ever since she was a child. Raised an "army brat," she was quite proficient in several exotic forms of hand-to- hand combat.
Wonder Woman, determining to end the fight as quickly as possible, made the first move. Clumsily leaping at Lois, she was surprised and frustrated that her quarry was not there when she landed.
"By Hera!" exclaimed Wonder Woman. "Stand still!"
"Not likely, Wonder Wench!" came the reply from Lois, as she landed a savate kick square on the Amazon's jaw, sending her reeling.
"Why you little...," declared Wonder Woman, doing an unintended imitation of Homer Simpson. "I'll break your leg for that!"
"You'll have to catch me first, sweetheart!" replied Lois with glee.
"Grrrrr!" growled Wonder Woman as she made another grasp for the wiry reporter. But, as before, the target was out of reach.
Lois caught Wonder Woman with a hard chop to the back of the neck as her opponent made one last grasp at her elusive quarry. The blow knocked the Amazon unconscious, who fell to the floor defeated.
"Ha!" cried Lois triumphantly. "So, the 'Champion of the Amazons' is beat! And by an 'ordinary woman'!" Lois got a glass of water. After taking a few sips, she threw the remainder in the Amazon's face, rousing her.
"Uh...," groaned Wonder Woman, as she woke up. "What happened?"
"You got beat," replied Lois.
"Impossible!" declared Wonder Woman.
"Oh yes," countered Lois. Then she asked: "Now, will you accept my challenge?"
"Challenge?" repeated Wonder Woman. "What challenge?"
"For the title of 'Wonder Woman,' of course," answered Lois. "I want my own belt."
"You can't be serious!" excitedly declared Wonder Woman. "On Paradise Island?"
"That's right," replied Lois.
"Don't be ridiculous!" said Wonder Woman, denying the challenge.
Immediately, Lois grabbed Wonder Woman in a wrestler's submission hold, and ordered the Amazon: "Accept the challenge!"
"Owwww!" cried the Amazon in pain. "No!"
"Accept, or I'll break your arm!" warned Lois as she gripped Wonder Woman tighter.
"Aauuuggghh!" cried the Amazon. Believing that indeed Lois could break her arm, Wonder Woman relented. "All right! I accept your challenge! Now, let go!"
Lois released the defeated superheroine's arm with a thrust and asked: "Now, when can I expect my 'match'?"
"I... in two weeks," replied Wonder Woman. "I'll fight you in two weeks," she repeated, rubbing her arm to restore circulation.
"All right, I'll have Clark fly me to...," started Lois.
"No!" denied Wonder Woman, as she rose to her feet. "No man may set foot on Paradise Island! I'll send Wonder Girl to pick you up in my Invisible Plane!"
"Fine," Lois agreed. "I'll see you in two weeks. And if you try anything funny, I'll reveal your secret identity to the world. Now, get out!"
"All right, Lois," answered Wonder Woman. "You asked for it. Just remember: I won't need my belt on Paradise Island. I'll be more than a match for your fancy combat skills!" As she turned to leave, she said: "I'll just get my lasso and..."
"Never mind!" said Lois. "I'll have Clark bring it over later! I want you out now!"
Not wishing to further drag out her humiliation, Wonder Woman acquiesced. "See that he does!" she declared. With that, Wonder Woman closed the door to the apartment behind her.
"Bitch!" exclaimed Lois after the door closed. Turning to her husband, Lois asked: "How could you have done this to me, Clark?"
"She's a very sexy woman," replied Superman, to Lois' surprise. "Wonder Woman has a body that was made to be fucked! I couldn't help myself."
Lois was aghast at her husband's confession and language until she realized, "The magic lasso! You're forced to tell the truth while bound by it! Aren't you, Clark?"
"Yes," helplessly replied Superman.
"Just a minute," said Lois, "And I'll set you free. But for what, I don't know. My trip gets canceled and I come home to this. I...," Then Lois thought: "Wait a minute. This is a golden opportunity. Once he's free of the magic lasso, that's the last I'll see of it. I can't pass this up!"
"Clark?" whispered Lois. "Clark, can you hear me?"
"Yes," replied Superman. "I can hear you."
"Clark," said Lois. "Do you love me? I mean, after catching you in bed with Wonder Woman, I have a right to know."
"You don't need the magic lasso to force me to tell you the truth," replied Superman. "Of course I love you."
"Then I guess I have no choice," said Lois as she removed the rope. "I love you too, Clark. And I forgive you."
A week later, Lois stayed home from the office while Clark went to work. She told him that she needed to be alone to prepare for her combat. Clark wanted to help Lois get ready for her encounter, but Lois wouldn't have it. In any case, Wonder Woman had told him not to be involved.
"What have I gotten myself into?" Lois asked herself as she paced about the apartment. "I've only a week left to prepare for my contest with Wonder Woman, and I haven't the slightest idea what to do."
Just then the phone rang. "Hello?" answered Lois.
"Hello?" said the voice on the other end. "Lois? Lois Lane?"
"Yes?" replied Lois. "This is she. Who is this?"
"This is Supergirl," came the reply. "Superman told me about your problem, and even though he's been forbidden to help you, I have not. May I come over?"
"I really don't think so," replied Lois. "This is my own affair, and I've always fought my own battles. Contrary to popular opinion, I'm not some helpless waif who's always waiting for Superman to rescue me."
"I didn't mean anything by it, Lois," said Supergirl. "You see, I don't care too much for that arrogant Amazon's attitude myself; what with her 'no men allowed on Paradise Island' matriarchal bullshit. Who does she think she is anyway?"
Lois immediately warmed to Supergirl's comments. "I'm glad to hear that I'm not the only one who'd like to see that costumed bitch get what's coming to her."
"Then you'll let me try to help?" asked Supergirl.
"Well," replied Lois, "I don't know what you can do, but you're welcome to come over. Sure."
A few minutes later, a comely young brunette in a smart suit rang the doorbell of Lois' apartment. Answering the door, Lois inquired: "Yes?"
"Lois?" said the brunette, "I came right over. I'm Linda. Linda Danvers."
"Linda Danvers?" asked Lois. "I'm afraid there must be some mistake. I was expecting..., er..., someone else."
"No Lois," countered Linda. "There's been no mistake. May I come in?"
"All right, I suppose," agreed Lois, ushering the brunette in.
As Lois closed the door, she turned to her guest who proceeded to remove her brunette wig to reveal a long mane of blonde hair. The strange young woman then unbuttoned her blouse, revealing a red cape and a blue leotard sporting a large red "S" over two perfect breasts. She removed her dress to reveal a short red miniskirt secured to a faultless waist by a yellow belt. Finally, she produced two red boots that she pulled up her beautiful legs to just below the knee.
"Supergirl!" exclaimed Lois. "So you've got a secret identity, too?"
"Yes," replied the blonde superheroine. "In order to gain your confidence, I wanted you to know I was willing to trust you with my greatest secret."
"I appreciate the consideration," said Lois. "Don't worry. Your secret is safe with me. Now what can you do to help me?"
"Well, since you'll be fighting a super-powered Amazon, I thought I'd be your sparring partner," suggested Supergirl. "We could have a few fast falls together. Shall we begin? I understand there isn't much time."
"All right," agreed Lois.
"Shall we try again?" asked Supergirl.
"N..., no," replied Lois. "Ohhh. I ache in places where I didn't even know I had places."
"Sorry if I was rough with you Lois," apologized Supergirl. "But I didn't want to hold back. You know your opponent won't."
"That's all right," said Lois. "Let's just sit down for a while. Coffee?"
"Love to," said Supergirl. "Black, please."
"So, tell me about yourself," said Lois as she put the coffee on. "I understand you have a new boyfriend. His name is Dick, right? Clark, er..., Superman told me about it."
"Yes, that's right," confirmed Supergirl. "Dick Malverne."
"Tell me about him," said Lois. "What's he like?"
"He's very sweet," replied Supergirl. "Not very handsome, but...,"
"Do you love him?" asked Lois. Supergirl blushed. Noticing this, Lois quickly added, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry. It's just that..., well..., I can tell."
"Yes Lois," replied Supergirl. "I love him. And I believe he loves me. I think he's getting close to asking me to marry him."
"Does he know that Supergirl and Linda are one and the same?" asked Lois. "Oh. The coffee's ready."
"I'll get it," volunteered Supergirl, getting up to find the cups. "And yes, I think he knows, but I didn't tell him. He's very smart. I'm pretty sure he's figured it out by now and is just waiting for the right time to tell me. I hope he's not upset when his suspicions are confirmed."
"Yes," agreed Lois. "It's very important to wait for the right time to reveal such a secret. Believe me, I know. I was upset for the longest spell after Clark told me his secret. Then I realized he was just waiting for the right time. But besides Dick's suspicions, how does he feel about Linda?"
"Oh, he likes me as Linda, too," answered Supergirl. "Which makes me love him all the more. You see, I wanted to make sure he doesn't just love me for my powers and, er..., miniskirt."
"I'm glad to hear that," said Lois. "But if he 'pops the question,' what will you say? You know you can't have sex with him, not while you have super powers."
"Yes, I thought of that," said Supergirl. "And I'd give up my powers in a second to be just plain Linda Malverne. But I have to stay super, in case Superman needs my help."
"Then maybe you can help me after all," declared Lois. "Maybe we can help each other."
As the day of the contest approached, Lois hosted one more visitor. She had received a communication from Wonder Woman's sister, Wonder Girl. She asked Lois if she could come over and explain the rules of the tournament, and Lois agreed.
"Since you don't have one, I have been nominated to act as your 'second'," declared Wonder Girl. "That is, if you agree."
"Certainly," agreed Lois. "Far be it from me to disrupt your 'Marquis of Queensbury Rules' or whatever conventions your 'No Men Allowed' club follows," she added sarcastically.
Wonder Girl winced. "Look, Ms. Lane...," she started.
"Please," interrupted Lois. "Call me Lois."
"All right Lois," she continued. "I don't like this any more than you do. I know my sister's a bitch, and...,"
"You mean you don't get along with Wonder Woman?" interrupted Lois for the second time.
"Not really," answered Wonder Girl. "She never lets me do anything. I, too, have a crimefighting career to consider. I can take care of myself. And I'd also like to have a boyfriend now and then. But, noooooo!"
"Well, If I beat her, and she's no longer Wonder Woman, that would be good for you, wouldn't it?" asked Lois. "I mean, then she couldn't tell you what to do. You'd have the freedom to act on your own, right?"
"Sure," confirmed Wonder Girl. "But that's not going to happen. You don't have a chance. I mean, you may have beaten her when she was without her belt here in your apartment, but on Paradise Island, she doesn't need her belt to be super."
"So tell me about this 'tournament' I've gotten myself into," said Lois, changing the subject. "Is it going to be held in some sort of coliseum? Like Pro Wrestling?"
"Yes," confirmed Wonder Girl. "The tournament will be held in the arena. All the Amazons will be there. The battle will be the culmination of a day-long festival, with great merriment and lots of wine."
"Lots of wine, eh?" repeated Lois. "You mean all the girls will be drunk?"
"Pretty much, yeah," confirmed Wonder Girl.
"That's very interesting," said Lois. "You tell your mother, the Queen, that I will do my best to keep her and the Amazons entertained."
"I'm sure she'll say that's 'very sporting' of you, Lois," said Wonder Girl.
On the morning of the contest, Lois got up early. She wanted to be ready for Wonder Girl when she arrived to fly her to Paradise Island.
"You know, Lois," said Clark, "It's not too late to call this off. Let me call Wonder Woman and tell her you're willing to forgive and forget."
"Sorry Clark," countered Lois, "But I have to go through with this; For both our sakes. I just wish you could be there when I get my revenge for Wonder Woman's seduction of you."
"Is that what this is all about?" asked Clark. "Revenge?"
"Yes Clark," confirmed Lois. "Revenge, and a few other things."
"Lois, we need to talk about this," declared Clark.
"The time for talking is over, Clark," proclaimed Lois as the doorbell rang. She answered the door.
"Are you ready, Lois?" asked Wonder Girl.
"Yes," assured Lois. "Let's go."
"Before we go, Lois," said Wonder Girl, "I have a message from my sister. She says that you can still back out now, and no one will think any the lesser of you. She says she gives you her word as an Amazon."
"And the tournament?" asked Lois. "What about all the drunken Amazons looking for their entertainment? What will they think?"
"You have a point," said Wonder Girl. "I suppose they'd go through with the preliminary events leading up to the title bout, and when you don't show up, Princess Diana would be declared the winner by default."
"And have all those besotted women riot from being cheated out of the main event?" asked Lois rhetorically. "I don't want to be responsible for that. Let's go."
"Very well, Lois," agreed Wonder Girl. "And let me say that I would have been disappointed if you had backed down. My Amazon sisters could learn a lot from you."
"Thank you," replied Lois. "Perhaps someday I can do something for you in return for your forbearance."
A few hours later, Lois and Wonder Girl started their descent towards Paradise Island. "You've been here before, haven't you, Lois?" asked Wonder Girl.
"Yes," confirmed Lois. "Once or twice."
Upon landing, Wonder Girl, acting as second, led Lois to her quarters. While there, Wonder Girl produced an skirted garment designed for athletic competition, along with a pair of sandals.
"You will wear this," said Wonder Girl.
"I thought you Amazons competed in the nude," said Lois.
"We usually do," affirmed Wonder Girl. "But in deference to your culture, all participants in all the events will be clothed."
"And Wonder Woman?" asked Lois. "What will she wear?"
"Her costume, of course," answered Wonder Girl.
"Of course," repeated Lois.
"Oh Dick!" said Supergirl, "I'm so glad you agreed to see me today."
"Any time, Supergirl," replied Dick Malverne. "But what was the 'surprise' you said you wanted to show me?"
"Just a minute," answered Supergirl as she hurried into another room. "And I'll be right back to show you."
After just a moment, Supergirl stepped back into Dick's view. "It's my new bikini," said Supergirl. "Do you like it?"
Dick was stupefied. While he may have mentally undressed Supergirl a time or two, he had never seen her in anything but her costume. "Like it?" he asked. "I love it!"
"I can't wait to try it out!" declared Supergirl. "Let's go to the beach! I packed a picnic lunch!"
"Beach?" repeated Dick. "Er.., sure! Let me get my swimsuit! Where are we going?"
"Oh, I know a nice, secluded spot where we can be alone," said Supergirl.
Meanwhile, back at Paradise Island, Lois was waiting in her "locker room" to be called for the main event. She could hear the cheers and catcalls of the audience as they were entertained by the great spectacle. Wonder Girl had been keeping Lois company, and let her know about each of the preliminary events.
"Bread and Circuses, eh?" asked Lois.
"No," replied Wonder Girl. "That was the Romans. We're descendants of the Greek culture."
"Well, you have a coliseum, don't you?" countered Lois.
"Actually, it's an amphitheater," replied Wonder Girl.
"My mistake," apologized Lois.
"I understand that when Princess Diana first became Wonder Woman," continued Lois, "She did it by winning at 'Bullets and Bracelets'."
"Yes," replied Wonder Girl. "That's right. "'Bullets and Bracelets' was the climax of the competition."
"Then Wonder Woman and I will be competing at that?" asked Lois.
"No," replied Wonder Girl. "Obviously not, as you have never been given the Bracelets of Submission to wear. Your competition will be limited to hand-to-hand combat."
"That's good," replied Lois. "I don't think my reflexes are quick enough. Not for something like that."
"Oh they would be," said Wonder Girl. "If you were an Amazon. That skill is part of our natural magic."
"Interesting," replied Lois.
A moment later, the trumpets blared to sound the preamble to the main event. "We only have a few minutes," said Wonder Girl. "I sure hope you know what you're doing."
"Oh, I know what I'm doing all right," said Lois. "You just get ready to award me my belt."
At the scheduled moment, Wonder Girl led her charge into the arena. When Lois was introduced as the challenger, a chorus of boos and hissing erupted from the tipsy audience. When the champion, Wonder Woman, was introduced, those same voices turned to rousing cheers.
Just before the signal to commence the match was given, the Queen told the combatants the only rule: Any method of battle may be employed, but the object was to make one's opponent submit; to surrender. Only when one of the rivals gave up would the winner be declared.
Then, Wonder Woman spoke: "Behold, my Amazon sisters! The puny woman from Man's World who dared challenge your champion, the great Wonder Woman!"
The drunken crowd went wild with laughter. Many hurried to gather more wine in anticipation of a quick decision, for sales would end at the conclusion of the main event.
Then the Queen gave the signal for the battle to begin. The two combatants circled, each looking for a weakness to exploit. After a moment, Wonder Woman made the first pounce. Lois tried to avoid the lunge, but was unable to do so in time. Wonder Woman hit Lois hard, and Lois reeled from the impact.
"Not so tough after all, are you?" taunted the Amazon as she stood up to gloat. "Care to try some of your fancy moves on me here, against my 'home field advantage'? You know, I think that when I've finished you off and proved I'm the better woman, I'll pay your husband Superman another visit. Only this time, I'll make him grovel and beg for my affection, like all men should."
"Then why don't you finish me off, Wonder Whore?" retorted Lois. "If you're so sure you can, that is."
"Oh, you'll go down," assured the Amazon, "When I'm ready. But not until later. You see, I have a piece of the wine concession. So let's give them a good show, shall we? Come on. Give me your best shot!"
"You got it!" exclaimed Lois, as she gave Wonder Woman a stiff kick in the groin. "How's that?"
With a "Whoof!" Wonder Woman was taken aback as Lois got up and braced herself for the next attack.
"Well Dick," said Supergirl as she carried him down for a landing, "We're here."
"I didn't know you were going to fly me across the world to a beach on some island," replied Dick.
"Don't you like it?" asked Supergirl as she softly landed on the warm, sandy seashore.
"It's perfect," replied Dick as he set his feet in the warm sand. "It's a paradise."
"Yes," agreed Supergirl. "An island paradise."
At that same moment, on the other side of the island, Lois Lane was quickly becoming exhausted from her ordeal. Wonder Woman, noticing her opponent's condition, and getting bored with the contest, decided to finally end it. She took what she thought would be her final leap at her foe, but stumbled, and missed. "What the?!" she exclaimed. "This can't be happening! I've lost my super powers! The only explanation can be... There must be a man on Paradise Island!"
"That's right, Wonder Bitch!" affirmed Lois. "I arranged for a little visit from a friend of mine to even up the odds a bit."
"Who is it?" asked Wonder Woman. "Superman?"
"No," denied Lois. "He was forbidden to come, remember? No, I got an acquaintance of mine to bring her boyfriend for a little romp on the beach. I told her about the wonderful white sand you have here, and she said she'd just love to bring him here so he could ask her to marry him in an idyllic setting."
"I must warn the Amazons!" declared Wonder Woman, as she turned and backed away from her opponent. She called out: "Sisters! There's a ma...,"
"Oh no you don't!" exclaimed Lois as she attacked Wonder Woman, cutting off the Amazon's attempt to sound an alarm. Quickly, Lois had Wonder Woman in the same position she had had her in in her apartment two weeks earlier.
"AAAAAUUUGGGHHH!" cried Wonder Woman.
"Say it!" ordered Lois. "Or you know what will happen!"
"Never!" replied Wonder Woman. "I..., OOOOHHH!"
"Say it!" repeated Lois.
"A... A... All right," agreed the Amazon. "I surrender!"
"Louder!" ordered Lois. "Loud enough for your mother to hear!"
"I SURRENDER!!" repeated the Amazon, then added: "Mother! Help me!"
A hush fell over the crowd.
After the picnic lunch had been eaten, Dick and Supergirl laid down on the beach together. After embracing each other, Dick asked, as he looked deep into Supergirl's eyes, "Why did you bring me here?"
Supergirl returned the longing gaze and answered. "I wanted to tell you something," replied Supergirl. "Something that I wanted to make sure no one else could hear."
"Perhaps you want to tell me that Supergirl and Linda Danvers are one and the same?" asked Dick.
"You mean you knew?" asked Supergirl, only mildly surprised. "How long have you known?"
"I've suspected it for a long time," Dick answered. "You may be able to hide your fabulous figure with those modest clothes you wear as Linda, but that and a brown wig covering your beautiful blonde hair can't hide what I see in your eyes."
"If you knew, why didn't you tell me?" asked Supergirl.
"Because I believed you didn't want me to know, in order to protect me," said Dick. "I also believed that you would tell me sooner or later anyway, if you really loved me. I could see that you wanted to tell me, but you weren't ready. You knew that we couldn't have a normal relationship if I knew your secret."
"That's right, Dick," confessed Supergirl. "You're very astute to have figured that out. I guess that's why I love you so much."
Supergirl kissed him deeply. Dick returned the touch of her lips with a strong embrace. "Dick," she said, "There is another reason I brought you here. There is something else I wanted to tell you: I want to have your children."
"You mean, you want to get married?" replied Dick.
"Yes," affirmed Supergirl. "If you'll but ask me."
"But what about, er..., I mean...," started Dick.
"Don't worry, darling," said Supergirl. "I'll give up my super powers to do it."
"You'd do that for me?" excitedly asked Dick as he stood up.
"Yes," replied Supergirl, as she also stood up.
Then Dick bent down on one knee. Holding Supergirl's hand, he looked up into her eyes and said: "Supergirl, will you marry me?"
"No Dick," replied Supergirl. But before Dick could protest, she added: "Supergirl will not become Mrs. Dick Malverne. But Linda Danvers will."
"Oh darling," gasped Dick, "You're a true superheroine. You've made me the happiest man on earth!"
"Yes," agreed Supergirl, as she kissed him again and returned his passionate embrace. This time, it was NOT 'a job for Supergirl,' but a job for Linda Danvers.
Then, after Supergirl used her telescopic vision to find out what had happened on the other side of Paradise Island, she told Dick: "It's getting late. We'd better get back."
"Yes," agreed Dick. "We have lots of plans to make."
Supergirl lifted Dick up from the beach and took off for home.
The signal was given to end the contest. As Wonder Woman and Lois approached the dais, the Queen declared: "The battle is over! All hail victory! All hail Lois Lane, the new Wonder Woman!" A cheer erupted from the audience.
"Mother!" exclaimed Princess Diana. "She can't be declared the winner! She tricked us! She violated our most sacred trust by bringing a man to Paradise Island to strip us all of our powers! She..."
"Silence!" commanded the Queen. "Did I not say at the beginning of this contest that there were no limitations on the methods each of the combatants might use to defeat the other?" Then she turned to Lois. "I commend you, Wonder Woman, on your ingenuity. I trust that you have arranged for our uninvited male guest to leave, now that the contest is over?"
"Yes, my Queen," replied Lois. "He will leave, allowing the Amazons' powers to be restored."
"You are an honorable woman, Ms. Lane," replied the Queen. "I welcome you in the name of the gods to the Amazon fold, and you shall become one of us, with all the rights and privileges of the Amazons, as you fight evil in man's world as Wonder Woman."
Princess Diana started sobbing. The Queen turned to her and said: "As for you, Princess Diana, you will immediately strip yourself of the accouterments of the champion of the Amazons. You have brought shame to yourself as well as the Amazon sisterhood by trying to come between this woman and the loving husband to whom she belongs. Such an action calls for severe punishment."
"Please don't be too hard on her, your majesty," said Lois.
Turning back to Lois, the Queen replied: "You are indeed noble, Wonder Woman, to show such mercy to your vanquished opponent. Be assured, I will carefully consider her fate. Return to your quarters, the both of you."
A short time later, Wonder Girl appeared at Lois' dressing room. "May I come in?" she asked.
"Of course, Wonder Girl," replied Lois. "Can you tell me what's going to happen?"
"First, let me congratulate you," said Wonder Girl. "Princess Diana and our mother the Queen will be here in a moment. We all have our powers back, so apparently your gentleman friend, whoever he was, has left. Will he ever return? I mean, what does he know about us, about Paradise Island? It's important."
"I'm sorry I couldn't let you in on my little secret, Wonder Girl," said Lois, "But I figured you'd be obliged to tell your mother about it."
"And you would have been right about that," affirmed Wonder Girl.
Lois then went into the details of how she had asked Supergirl for her help, and how Supergirl followed the Invisible Plane's course with her super-telescopic vision in order to determine the island's location. Lois told Wonder Girl that she realized from their earlier conversation that no one would be guarding Paradise Island's shores from such an invasion, as all the Amazons would be gathered in the arena to witness the exhibition. Lois assured Wonder Girl that Dick had no idea he was on Paradise Island, the secret home of the Amazons, and he wasn't about to find out, since he had other things on his mind.
"I can't say I approve of your methods," said Wonder Girl when Lois was finished, "But I'm happy you won."
"And I'm looking forward to following your crimefighting career back in the real world," replied Lois.
"You mean you'll help me?" asked Wonder Girl excitedly.
"Of course," replied Lois, smiling. "After all, we're sisters now."
Wonder Girl smiled too.
A moment later, Lois heard the voice of the Queen: "Wonder Woman? I, the Queen, request the honor of an audience with the champion of the Amazons."
"Please come in, your majesty," politely replied Lois.
The Queen entered, followed by her daughter, Princess Diana. "I have the laurels of victory to award you, Wonder Woman," said the Queen.
Princess Diana approached. Bowing her head, she held out the newly-cleaned and nicely-folded familiar red and blue garments. "Your Amazon sisters award you your costume, O great champion of all of us," she said.
Lois took the costume, and held the bustier to her chest. Smiling, she looked down and replied: "Thank you, Princess Diana. I will endeavor to never bring dishonor to it."
Then the Queen approached. Instinctively, Lois knelt and bowed her head. "Stand up, Wonder Woman," commanded the Queen. "You are not the subservient one here."
Slightly chagrined at her faux pas, Lois stood up and looked the Queen in the eye and said: "I beg your pardon, your majesty."
"Not at all," replied the Queen. "I now bestow unto you the accouterments of your new title. First, the tiara, a symbol of wisdom."
The Queen reached up and placed the crown on Lois' forehead. "Next," continued the Queen, "The Amazon Bracelets of Submission."
Lois reached out her arms. The Queen placed the manacles on Lois' wrists and said: "These are a symbol of the Amazon sisterhood. Let no man bind them together, lest you become a slave to his wishes."
Next, the Queen grasped the prize for which Lois had fought so hard. "Finally," the Queen said, "The Golden Girdle and Magic Lasso. With these items, you will go forth with all the power of the Amazons in a quest to eradicate evil, in whatever way you choose."
"Thank you, my Queen, for this great honor," said Lois.
"You're welcome," replied the Queen. "Now, Wonder Woman, do you have anything to say?"
"A question if you please, your majesty," said Lois.
"Yes?" said the Queen.
"What will become of my sister, Princess Diana?" asked Lois.
"I have contemplated her punishment," replied the Queen. "And since you have proven yourself such a worthy victor, consideration must be given to the way of life of ordinary women in Man's world. It is therefore my decree that Princess Diana be banished back to Man's world, without her powers, so that she may learn your superior ways."
"Banished?" asked Lois. "Forever?"
"She may, at some time in the future, again prove herself worthy to return to Paradise Island," the Queen answered. "But for now, she must endure the humble trappings of common womanhood. I hope you will aid her in her endeavor."
"Of course, my Queen," replied Lois, as she looked at Princess Diana with a soft smile.
"Now I must bid you farewell, Wonder Woman," said the Queen. "My other daughter will show you how to manipulate the Invisible Plane. Then the three of you will return to Man's world."
"By your leave, my Queen," replied Lois.
After the Queen left and Princess Diana went to pack, Lois put on her new costume. "How do I look?" she asked Wonder Girl.
"Terrific!" replied the young Amazon. "But aren't you going to put on the belt?"
"To tell you the truth," started Lois, "I'm afraid to."
"Afraid?" repeated Wonder Girl. "But you're the bravest woman I know."
"But what if it doesn't work?" asked Lois. "Even worse, what if it does work, and I become all self-absorbed in my power?"
"Well, you'll never know until you try," said Wonder Girl.
"Sound advice," replied Lois. She took the precious item, and held it against her flat stomach with her hand. With her other hand, she reached around to fasten the Velcro strip behind her back. Immediately, she felt stronger. "I think it's working!" she exclaimed.
Back at the apartment, Clark was anxiously awaiting news of his wife's adventure. "I should never have let her go off like that!" he thought to himself. "I...,"
Just then, he heard the familiar "Whoosh" of Wonder Woman's Invisible Plane. A moment later, he heard footsteps approaching the door. Not wanting to wait another instant, he rushed to the door at super speed and opened it in a flash, almost tearing the door off its hinges. "Lois?" he said, as he saw his spouse. "Honey, are you all right?"
Lois, followed closely by Wonder Girl, entered the apartment. She was wearing the clothes she had worn that morning when she left. Clark turned to Wonder Girl and asked: "Wonder Girl? What happened on the island?"
"Perhaps you'd better sit down, Clark," suggested Lois.
"Not until you prove to me you're all right," countered Clark. "Where's Wonder Woman? Did she hurt you? If she did anything to you, I'll...," then he turned back to Wonder Girl and asked, "Where is Wonder Woman?"
"Oh, she's around," replied Wonder Girl, trying to hide a coyish grin.
"I'm all right, Clark," interrupted Lois with solemnity. "Please sit down, and I'll tell you the whole story."
"All right, Lois," agreed Clark.
"I'll make us some coffee," volunteered Wonder Girl.
"Thanks, Wonder Girl," said Lois. Then turning to her husband, who had now seated himself on the sofa, Lois said: "You didn't do a very good job of keeping the apartment clean while I was gone for a day, did you, Clark? Hmpf! Men!"
"Huh? What are you talking about?" asked Clark, confused.
"Why, that dust on the leg of the sofa there," said Lois.
"Huh?" repeated Clark, looking down. "I don't see any dust!"
"Here, silly. Let me show you," Lois said, as she bent down, towards the leg of the sofa.
"Lois, never mind the housekeeping!" Clark exclaimed. "Tell me what happened on Paradise Islaaaaaa....,"
A second later, Clark found himself high up in the air, not under his own power, but still seated on the sofa. Lois said: "There's that pesky grain of dust! Don't worry Clark, I've got it."
Wonder Girl almost spilled the coffee from laughing so hard at the expression on Clark's face.
"You mean...?" Clark began.
"I won the belt," Lois declared, as she lowered the sofa. "And as you can see, it works!"
"But Lois, how...," started Clark. "I mean, what..., Where's Wonder Woman? What happened to her?"
"Why I'm right here, Clark," replied Lois as she quickly changed into her new costume.
"No, I mean...," said Clark.
"Oh, you mean, 'What happened to the woman formerly known as Wonder Woman'," said Lois. "...now known as Prince; Miss Diana Prince?"
"Er..., yes," said Clark.
"Oh, I dropped her off at her apartment," replied Lois. "She had to get ready to go back to work."
Wonder Girl brought in the coffee, and the two women told what had happened, how Lois had won the mantle of Wonder Woman, and of all the responsibilities and privileges that went along with the title.
"But I still don't understand how you were able to beat Diana," said Clark.
"I'm afraid that involves something no man may know," said Lois with a mysterious smile. "We Amazons must keep our secrets."
"All right, I won't ask anymore," said Clark, looking dejected.
"What's wrong honey?" asked Lois, noticing her husband's sad countenance. "If it means that much to you, I can tell you."
"It's not that," replied Clark. "It's just that now you're Wonder Woman, you'll be flying off all the time in that Invisible Plane fighting crime. It was bad enough with one superhero in the family, but now that we both have superpowers, things will be different around here."
"Oh that," replied Lois. "Don't worry, Clark. My place is here, at your side. Wonder Girl will be taking over as the prime figure. And you're right. Things will be different around here. Starting in the bedroom!"
"You mean...?" said Clark.
Having heard the conversation, Wonder Girl took her cue and declared: "Well, I guess I'd better be going. Thanks for the coffee, Lois..., er..., Wonder Woman."
"All right, Wonder Girl," agreed Lois. "Now be careful with the Invisible Plane. And don't be flying around with any boys just to impress them!"
"Yeah, right," replied Wonder Girl with a snicker.
A few moments later, after the couple heard the "Whoosh" of the Invisible Plane as it flew away, Lois embraced her husband and said: "Carry me into the bedroom, and I'll show you what kind of a 'Wonder' this woman really is."
"Carry you?" replied Clark with a smile. "I thought you'd carry me!"
"Now Clark," replied Lois. "It's the husband's duty to perform."
"All right," agreed Clark as he took his wife in his arms and floated above the floor to the bedroom.
EPILOGUE
"That was a wonderful wedding last week, wasn't it Clark?" asked Lois.
"Yes,' said Clark to his wife as they lay in bed. "I'm sure Linda will be very happy."
"I talked to her today," said Lois. "Did you know she's pregnant already?"
"No!" replied Clark. "They must have been working very hard at it. That will be something. The first child born of a union between a Kryptonian and an Earthling."
"Maybe," said Lois. "Was it difficult for you, darling?" asked Lois. "I mean to help her give up her powers?"
"Well, I wasn't too keen on the idea," said Clark. "After all, if something were to happen to me, she'd have to take over as the Earth's guardian. But seeing as how she was so much in love, I had to do it."
"And you adjusted the machinery to permanently change her hair from blonde to brunette?" asked Lois.
"Yes," replied Clark. "She said she wanted it that way. She didn't want to be jealous of her wig, like 'Gloria' did in that old episode of 'All In The Family'."
"You seemed to have had it all figured out," said Lois. "The power removal process, that is."
"Yes," replied Clark.
"You were going to use it on yourself, weren't you?" asked Lois. "You were going to make yourself ordinary for me, weren't you?"
"Yes," confessed Clark, looking away. "I need a drink of water."
"I'll get it," volunteered Lois.
She reached over to the bedstand and rang a small bell.
A moment later, a figure at the door appeared. "Yes, Mistress?" she said.
"A glass of water, Diana," said Lois. "For Clark."
"Yes, Mistress Lois," replied the maid.
"It was swell of you to hire Diana as our maid after she got fired from her job at Military Intelligence," said Clark after the servant left.
"Yes, it's too bad she couldn't have kept her position there," replied Lois. "I mean, it was a little overboard for her superior officers to declare her 'incompetent,' and give her that dishonorable discharge. But I suppose it couldn't be helped, as she was only of use to them while she was secretly Wonder Woman. Her secretarial skills were not all that polished."
"Some secret," said Clark.
"Yes," agreed Lois. "You should have seen the look on Steve's face when he found out that Diana Prince was no longer Wonder Woman."
"It may sound cruel," replied Clark, "But I think I would have rather seen Diana's face when she found out that Steve had known of her secret identity for years."
"Yes," agreed Lois. "It was a real spectacle when Steve told her that. He said: 'Why do you think this office is called "Military Intelligence"? Of course we knew your secret! Did you think we were stupid or something? "Dimbulbs," perhaps?'"
"And what was the term he used?" asked Clark. "For the reason Steve never told Diana he knew? Plausible...?"
"'Plausible deniability'," said Lois. "It's a characterization used by the government to..."
"I know what it's for," interrupted Clark. "What do you think I am? Some kind of 'dimbulb'? I guess some people just can't deal with the idea of not being let in on a secret."
Lois gave her husband another sideward glance, as she said: "It looks like the old joke about 'Military Intelligence' being an oxymoron is false."
"Yeah," agreed Clark. "By the way, Steve doesn't know that Lois Lane and Wonder Woman...,"
"Are now one and the same?" finished Lois. "No, he just thinks that someone beat out Diana in a 'Wonder Woman Election' or somesuch nonsense. But he did offer me a job as his confidential secretary."
"He sure fancies himself some kind of a Casanova, doesn't he?" asked Clark. "What did you tell him?"
"I said: 'No, I have other responsibilities to fulfill'." replied Lois. "I didn't go into any details."
"Anyway," Lois continued, "I thought I could keep a closer eye on Diana if we hired her. For her mother's sake as well as hers."
"That's very charitable of you, Lois," said Clark. "But where did we get the money to pay her salary? You haven't been using your super powers for hire, have you?"
"No silly," Lois replied. "Remember the contest? Well, the winner, besides being crowned 'Wonder Woman,' is awarded the receipts of the 'gate,' and the profits of the concessions. Since Diana was part of the exhibition, it's only fair that she share in it some small way."
"I admire your generosity," said Clark. "But must she call you 'Mistress' and me 'Master'? I feel like an overseer on an antebellum plantation or something."
"It's all part of her penance," replied Lois. "She has to show herself perfectly subservient in order to ever hope to again live among the Amazons on Paradise Island."
Diana reappeared at the bedroom door. "Here is your water, Master Kent," she said.
"Thank you, Diana," said Clark. "Please bring it here."
"At once, Master Kent," replied the maid, as she carried out her instructions.
After Diana left, Clark remarked: "She sure looks good in that French Maid's outfit! I think I'll...,"
Lois glared at her husband. "You'll do nothing of the kind, or...,"
"Just kidding, Lois," said Clark with a smile.
"You'd better be," affirmed Lois. "Or I'll get some Kryptonite and... MMMMMffff!" Clark grabbed Lois and kissed her hard. Lois kissed back, just as hard.
Clark leaned back and asked: "What about Wonder Girl? Did that date between her and Jimmy Olsen work out?"
"I'm afraid not," replied Lois. "Jimmy's too much of a pushover for beautiful girls. Wonder Girl wanted somebody with a little more independence. So she found herself an older man."
"Older?" repeated Clark.
"Yes," replied Lois. "And bigger. He's about three hundred pounds."
"Really?" asked Clark. "Have they slept together yet?"
"I think so," replied Lois. "Anyway, she's moved in and set up housekeeping with him. She also said something about letting him tie her up with her magic lasso and dominating her."
"Kinky," said Clark.
"Yes," said Lois. "She said it's one of her fantasies that she didn't think Jimmy would go for. So, she seems to be happy now."
"That's great," said Clark. "Shall we turn off the light now?"
"O.K.," agreed Lois, as she reached over and turned the switch.
After a few seconds of darkness, Clark turned the light back on and said, quizzically: "Lois?"
"Hmmm?" came his wife's reply.
"What did you mean by 'Maybe'?" asked Clark.
"Huh?" replied Lois.
"When I said Dick and Linda would produce the 'first child born of a union between a Kryptonian and an Earthling'," started Clark, "You said: 'Maybe'. 'Maybe' what? Isn't the fetus normal? Is she going to have a miscarriage, perhaps due to incompatibilities in their DNA?"
"No Clark," replied Lois. "Nothing like that. All the signs point to the birth of a perfectly normal, healthy baby. Now go to sleep."
"Then what DID you mean by 'Maybe'?" asked Clark, unsatisfied.
"Maybe theirs won't be the 'first'," replied Lois, smiling to herself.
"You mean...," started Clark, getting a glazed look over his eyes as he stared, unblinking, off into space.
"That's right, Clark," replied his loving wife, Lois "Wonder Woman" Lane-Kent, as she reached over to turn the bedroom light off once more. "I'm just as pregnant as she is."
"Wow," said Clark in the darkness.
END